You don't know me, but...

Sometimes I meet my edge with the realization that I need to create a new energy within myself. I usually feel the need for action to get my blood pumping and my brain moving. So what do I do?

I run...to the graveyard.

I've always felt a true sense of calm in a graveyard, and I recognized it at an early age. I loved learning about my ancestry out in the old country church graveyard with my mom on Memorial Day and Christmas. I like the flowers, wreaths, sometimes toys and trinkets, and other decorations. I enjoy seeing the very old headstones with moss growing on them mixed in with the very modern graves with pictures and elaborate etchings. The graves with little lambs on them always soften my eyes and the obelisks make me dizzy, but I like them all.

I love reading all the names from different generations and noticing which old fashioned names have become popular again. I cherish the verses and sentiments that loved ones felt so inclined to engrave to honor those who have passed. All of these facets draw me to graveyards and each time I visit even though there is a strong sense of the old, I always leave with something new.

When I started running again, I began to work my runs around two different graveyards, one public and one for veterans, a small open-to-the-public meditation chapel, and a bridge over a natural spring. These are the places I rest when my heart is pounding and my legs feel like jello. This is where I collect my thoughts that I've been tossing around as I try not to turn my ankles on the broken pavement of crumbling sidewalks. This where I cry, pray, laugh, sing, create, critique, process, and get inspired. These places help me remember that I can and will keep going no matter what obstacles may be in my path.

I feel called to these places and while I'm there, I am connected. I think about the wisdom gained during one's life, the lengths of life cycles, and how we move beyond the shells of our bodies. I make rounds, visiting a marker of a friend who left too soon, wondering what folks were like based on what I see on and around their graves, and occasionally seeing and sharing with a friend a memory at the grave of his amazing wife who lost her hard-fought battle with cancer.

I really like the idea of a bench as a marker and I can still remember the day I found my favorite place to sit. I ran by it, stopped, ran backwards, stared, and eventually sat down. This was bench made of stone, it had two small ceramic urns with bright daisies in them and the script under the name and dates said, "To Be Continued..."  On the top there was a deeply carved labyrinth. I sat down and breathlessly said, "You don't know me, but...."

I have shared some of my greatest fears and hopes with the owner of this bench. I have laughed until I cried and have felt waves of grief lift from my shoulders while sitting on this bench. I have walked a little taller and moved more gracefully after sitting on this bench. I have traced my finger on, studied, and constructed several labyrinths because of this bench. I can go there in my mind even if am in another country. It is my ice cave where I find my power animal (straight from Fight Club, (Slide!) ), my sunset on the beach with a delicious fruity beverage, and my bank of blooming hyacinths beside my childhood home.

Yes, I realize that to some all this may sound a little off, so feel free to judge if you are so inclined. But I look at it this way...
I'm not hurting anyone, it helps me without worrying about placing my burdens on any of my friends and family, and I find humble awareness in these spaces where I can rest from the stresses that hold me back from who I truly am.

May you all find your places of peace so you can play in this life, even if it is among the memories of those who are no longer living.

Hot Lips

Lip balm, anyone? I keep Burt's Bees in business.

My son can't stop kissing. He is an affectionate little bug. He loves to cuddle, must have a good snuggle before retiring in the evening, and gives fantasic hugs. When I leave him in the mornings, two goodbye kisses and hugs just will not do. We have a minimum of three. I know the time will come when he will no longer want to give me a hug or a peck on the cheek if anyone is around, and I truly dread it.

However, we may have a small problem. Apparently he loves all the girls and he is the kissing bandit, stealing sugar left and right as he swings his way through the monkey bars. He has pulled cards at school because of his insatiable urge to smooch.
We have talked about this in length at numerous times during his life and he just can't esssplain himself, Lucy! He will resist for a short time when scolded, but then he is back at it within a day.

He has always luurrvved the ladies. When he started walking, he would follow my more apple-bottomed friends around to pat their bottoms as they had just become reachable. It was like he had just been waiting to walk for that purpose. A cassanova to the core, or perhaps a better description is a pint-sized Pepe le Pew!

So what does this say about the man he is to become? Perhaps he will be a lover, not a fighter? Maybe he will be a fantastic husband one day, the kind that tells his wife how beautiful she is and really means it. Hopefully his heart-openness will serve him well in life.

I keep telling him that, "Son, no means no, you can't just go around kissing people that may not want to be kissed!" My friends say he will learn and maybe it will just take that early experience of trying to steal a kiss from the little girl who lays him out on the playground.

For now, I'm issuing a warning. Parents be warned... Pepe is on the loose and he may try to kiss your daughters. He means no harm, he is just full of affection and likes to lavish it on those who happen to be within a vicinity of a playground near you. I'll do my best to help guide him towards being a good man, but honestly, I'm just grateful that he is past his biting and flashing stages(fingers crossed at I type that).

Moving On

I have kids doing yoga in my living room RIGHT NOW! They asked to do it, they put in the DVD, and they are doing it. This is soooo cool to me. The smell of crab, feta, spinach quiche and pumpkin bread is seeping from my oven. We spent the afternoon playing soccer and climbing jungle gyms in the park. This was a good day. Maybe good doesn't cover it. This is stellar in my book.

Yesterday I was blotting my eyes to see if anyone could tell I had been crying before dinner at church. It is simply amazing to me how quickly life can change directions.

I saw a little quip today about a comedian who told a joke and the whole room laughed. Then he told it again and again and again until no one was laughing. And the moral was... if we don't laugh at the same story so many times, why do we cry over the same thing time and time again?

So, why do we? Those kids in there doing yoga are not holding onto the things that upset them at the park. They move on. The don't remember the times they have really had their feelings or pride crushed. They move on. They keep trying new things and trusting themselves and others simply because they have to do it in order to grow and growth is ultimately what childhood is all about.

My hope for myself, my family, and my friends is that even though pain can feel as though it will never release it's grip sometimes, that we will have that knowledge of growth, that choice of moving on, and that promise of the next day.

...Cause when you stop dreaming, it's time to die. -Blind Melon

From The Start

One of my favorite quotes is,

"You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,

  Love like you'll never be hurt,

  Sing like there's nobody listening,

  And live like it's heaven on Earth."  William W. Purkey

I'm sure you've heard it before, and it's one of those that you either really resonate with or you just don't. These are words that come into my head in moments of pure glee and joyful wonder. Granted they are not always at the front of my chatterbox of a brain, but somewhere even through some of the thickest muds, they are there... waiting for the chance to come through and bring that little playful part of my soul back where it wants to be.

So, that's my start. I'm just a woman on that path towards light, towards laughter, towards joy. It is not easy, but I know it is worth it.

While a lot of my Joy comes from within, my surroundings definitely have influence. My daughter and son surround my thoughts often, so I'll just give warning, if you read this blog, you're gonna hear about them. So, here is the brief intro... Daughter is a fun little girl who loves to read, learn, and try to boss her little brother who does not want to be bossed in any way and does want to climb, jump, splash, and spill and never clean up! They are both pretty typical and true to themselves and like to wrastle me to the ground so they can try to poot in my face! Make a "life is good" shirt out of that!

As for the other facets in my life, I will surely elaborate. Don't worry, I'm gonna blog like no one is reading.